


cosplay jail shrexy mm

by trashcan77



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Bee Movie References, Cosplay, Crack, Identity Fraud, Jail, M/M, Prison, bee movie - Freeform, crackfic, dream wishes he could cosplay, george is a shrek cosplayer, im dead inside so here we are, joke, jokefic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:54:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28094223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashcan77/pseuds/trashcan77
Summary: “barry b. benson?”“yeah..” george embarrassedly replied, thankful that dream couldn’t see him blush through his shrek cosplay costume.NEW CHAPTER OUT NOW SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG
Relationships: Dnf - Relationship, Dream/GeorgeNotFound, GeorgeNotFound/Dream, dreamnotfound - Relationship
Comments: 31
Kudos: 33





	1. oh no, whatever will he do now??

**Author's Note:**

  * For [greybin12](https://archiveofourown.org/users/greybin12/gifts).



> JSHSKSJHDHSKHSJSNDKSNVXKSHIDBDIHSHBDKSBDKHWJDHSUNDJSOJDUSINSBFK SUB CINSHEIFBJSBEIFNNSWOIDJBEOJDIDJSBKDJDISJDBKDHSBEIHDJXONWBDKCNWJISBFKSKNSJCKSOJWBDKKSJABDKKCJSJSBKDOSIDHKSOSICJNSOSIDIJSNDLCKJSJEKDOSIJWNKWODIDJKSOWODIJDBEKFIIEJEKOFISJWNKDODIJEJEODIIDJWJJEKDJIDJSNDKWOJENFJIDJSNWOJDJFKSOJE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> george gets drunk as shit cause he’s a lonely shrek cosplayer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a joke, don’t take anything that i have written here seriouslyJABSKDJKSJDKSJNDKDJSK

george was a famous tiktok cosplayer.he had 19 followers. he lived a fulfilled life because he was a shrek cosplayer. well, almost fulfilled. george also had no friends because he was a tiktok cosplayer, especially a shrek one. he never admitted it, but all he wanted in life was a friend. he thought barry b. benson would do nicely. 

  
dream wished he was a famous tiktok cosplayer. he had a barry b. benson costume and everything, but he didn’t know how to cosplay. he was very happy because he had a lot of friends (2 - his imaginary barry b. benson-loving friend and an imaginary barry b. benson), but every day he longed more and more to become a cosplayer. all he needed was someone to teach him. 

*************************************

as george previewed his millionth tiktok today, the angelic music filled his ears and he realised how much he wanted to be with barry b. benson. he wished that barry b. benson was in that tiktok he had just made. the music was still playing. 

  
🎶 _i love shrek🎶_

_🎶i love shrek🎶_

_🎶i love shrek🎶_

george sank down beside his cosplay-making area and put his shrek mask back on.

🎶 _i love shrek🎶_

_🎶i love shrek🎶_

george thought about how cool barry b. benson was for the 42nd time today for 27 minutes.

🎶 _i love shrek🎶_

he got angry.

🎶 _i love shrek🎶_

he got so angry that he picked up his phone in anger and lifted it into the air angrily.

🎶 _i love shrek🎶_

george put his phone back down

🎶 _i love shrek🎶_

george smashed his phone. 

🎶 _i love shr-_

he had broken his phone and then he realised that he could no longer make shrek cosplay tiktoks AND that he could no longer read barry b. benson fanfiction. _”OH NO, WHATEVER WILL I DO NOW?”_ he thought. 

now george was angrier than ever. 

he looked like this:

george decided that he needed a drink. he raced out of his room and down his apartment hallway, out of the door and down the stairs, his long shrek ears trailing behind him. he screeched as he ran, and he arrived at the door. bursting through, george let out a high pitched shriek that killed anyone within a five mile radius. he leapt over dozens of dead bodies, tripping over at least 3 times on his way down the road. 

george passed an enormous tree. he stopped running to look at the enormous tree. he resumed his running. 

after seven minutes of extremely fast running like a fast runner bean george arrived at tesco’s. 

he looked a bit like this:

he stopped running and stood, dripping with sweat through his shrek costume, outside the door to tesco’s. 

he waltzed inside and discovered the cashiers dead and floppy inside the shop. everyone who had been shopping there was also dead and floppy. 

george was delighted that his inhuman shrieks had this much power - now he could go and get free stuff. 

george got free stuff. 

glug glug. 

george is drunk. 

the sirens going WEEE WOOO WEEE WOOO were the last things he heard before he saw flashing blue and red lights and passed out in the freezer section of his local tesco’s. 


	2. how will he ever recover?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dré2trappy gets arrested for identity fraud

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why aren’t my parents proud of me yet this is great writing 
> 
> friend offered to beta read (thanks big a) but we die like barry b. benson.

dream was in the middle of reciting the entire bee movie script for the 37th time that day when he had an idea. what if he _could_ be barry b. benson?? no one had to know...

dream was very happy and he felt very clever. he had thought of an idea!! this was why he felt very clever. he was so happy that he jumped up and down. then he stopped jumping up and down. 

shaking, dream turned to his barry b. benson cosplay costume. he couldn’t believe what he was about to do. dream reached for a piece of paper and a pen. dream wrote his name on it. then he scribbled it out. 

dream decided that he was no longer dream. he was b. man. he wrote b. man on the piece of paper. then he lifted it into the air. then he had a moment. then he put the paper back down. 

_'what if i could go out like this?'_ dream thought. 

*******************************************************************

20 minutes later, b. man was in his costume and was ready to leave.'id' in hand, he strolled towards his front door. he was still kinda nervous, so he recited some of the bee movie script in his head. 

' _according to all known laws of aviation,_ _there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground...'_

by the time dream reached ' _you sting someone, you die,'_ he was feeling a little better. he grabbed the door handle and turned it slowly, his palms sweating. the door creaked open with an 'eEEeeeEe' and b. man stepped outside. it was late, so not many people were out, but those who were crossed the road. b. man thought ' _they love me!!'_ and walked faster and faster until he finally took off. b. man was supended in the air. _he was flying!!!!!_ until he wasn't. b. man dropped like a stone. 

his ears were ringing. everything hurt. he was sure he had broken at least 7 bones. b. man was really really really sad. he wallowed in his own misery for at least 5 minutes. tears were streaming down his face like mini river niles.

 _i can do this,_ b. man thought. he lifted himself up onto his feet and (with difficulty) limped a step forward. he limped two more steps forward. he limped his way down the road. he limped until he had to cross the road. 

cars zooooomed past b. man and he stepped back, frightened. he thought about the cars for 23 seconds, earning some strange looks from strangers on the street and then he walked across the road. _wowzers,_ he thought, _i really just did that!!_ he continued to limp down the next road until something caught his eye - ten or so police cars were zoooooming down the same road he was on. WEEEE WOOO WEEEE WOOOO, they went. 

b. man thought about what barry b. benson would do for 8 seconds. he decided that barry b. benson would zooooom after the cars, and therefore he would too. after all, he was no longer dream, he was b. man. his id said so. 

he zoooooomed down the street after the police cars, and was amazed that he could actually keep up with them. he kept up with them for a whole metre before they stopped. they stopped at tesco’s. 

dream casually limped into tesco’s and picked up nine bottles of vodka. 

he walked to the till and placed them down on the counter, but there was no space so two of them fell off and smashed. the cashier said, “i’m going to need you to take off the costume please,” gesturing at b. man’s head. 

“what costume??” b. man replied.

”the bee costume sir, i cant tell your age if your face is covered.”

”bees are ageless.”

exasperated, the cashier looked dream dead in where he thought his eyes should be underneath his cosplay costume. 

“you need to be 56 to buy this. i want to see some id.”

b. man was elated. he finally had a chance to show someone that he really was a bee!! “of course,” he (almost) yelled, eagerly handing over his ‘id’. 

“ _barry b. benson, AKA b. man, ageless, bee, male.”_ the cashier read. he pinched his nose and sighed. “i’m going to have to ask you to leave now.”

b. man felt devastated and rejected. “IS IT CAUSE IM A BEE?? IS THAT IT??”

”i will call the authorities, sir, i just came here to do my voluntary shift. i’m not even meant to be here. everyone else who was working here is dead. some crazy green man screamed the place down.”

”WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ME??” b. man screamed at him as loud as an aeroplane. 

“nothing sir, i’m already having a crappy day is all, so unless you leave right now i’m going to call those policemen over there to come and escort you out.”

”I DONT NEED THEM TO ESCORT ME OUT, I JUST NEED MY VODKA. WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE ANYWAY??!” b. man yelled. 

the cashier took a step back, “i’m sorry i don’t know, they’re just taking away the green guy i think, cosplayer or some crap like that.” he was intimidated by b. man’s scariness. 

b. man suddenly lost interest in the vodka. he stumbled over to the freezer aisle, and was distraught at the sight. a shrek cosplayer was being handcuffed and taken away!!

b. man broke down in tears.

meanwhile, the cashier was talking to a policeman, gesturing towards dream, and the policeman walked over to him.

“sir, i am arresting you for identity fraud. anything you say may or may not be used against you. you may not call a lawyer. i am going to take you away now.”

b. man let himself be taken. he no longer cared about anything. he had just witnessed a shrek cosplayer being arrested. 

the moon rose and the sun set over tesco’s as two cosplayers were escorted outside, one of them bawling and the other too wasted to know what was going on. 


	3. prison time!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NEW CHAPTER AFTER A VERY VERY LONG TIME  
> GASDSAGHFJLAGHFLJSHFAK
> 
> so i showed this to my sister and she thinks whoever wrote it is basically a god HAGHAHAGAHAGHGA
> 
> anyway it's prison time for b. man and shrek

the night was grey, as was b. man's heart.

he sobbed into his bee mask, watching as shrek was handcuffed and shoved into a police car. a policewoman turned to him and attempted to handcuff him too, but b. man refused to take off his bee mittens ("STOP THIS NOW. BEES HAVE NO HANDS FOR YOU TO CUFF.") and she sighed and opened the other car door. the scene slightly resembled this image:

resigned, dream slunk over to the car and went inside. he was inside the car. he looked to his right, and the sight that confronted him would have alarmed him had he not been crying his eyeballs and eyebrows and eyelashes out. 

george (shrek) was sprawled across the other seat of the car, empty vodka bottle in hand. suddenly he snored. it scared b. man because it was fucking loud. as the policewoman got in the driver's seat in front of him, he wondered if shrek would appreciate a bee. maybe they could be friends. 

b. man stopped thinking this when shrek snored again as loud as a train, but then thought it again when the snoring stopped. the car started moving. it was moving faster than a bicycle...

***********************************************************************

after a very very long time the car stopped outside a building. the building said ' **COSPLAYER CONFINEMENT CENTRE** ' in enormous angry lettering. the policewoman stepped out of the car and opened one of the back doors. george fell out onto the floor and continued to snore. he snored until he woke up, which was about 6 seconds later, when a person in a suit labelled ' **COSPLAYER CUSTODIAN** ' in big angry lettering kicked him. 

shrek rose, and noticing the prison guard, he trembled in terrification, shrivelling like a prune (which is a severely dehydrated plum). this prison was home to the most infamous cosplayers and wanted criminal duo - sir billiam and drew p. weiner. he had a vision of tinkerbell. she was being tortured by a prison guard and it scared him very much. by now he was the smallest prune known to man.

dream look over at the shrivelled man on his right in pity and leapt out of the car. "I'M BARRY B. BENSON, AND IM GOING TO SAVE YOU! MAYBE THEN YOU WILL BE MY FIRST FRIEND EVER!!"

those were the last words he said before a stick hit him and he was boxed like a fish (unconscious).

******************************************************************************

b. man awoke in a small-ish prison cell, stone and as cold as his soul. he blinked his eyes open and screamed very very loudly at what he saw. a very very scary figure of a green shrek man was hovering over his face.

"you are awake," it spoke.

then dream remembered what had happened that night. he was no longer afraid. 

"you're right, i am awake," he replied.

the sound of banging on the cell's very hard door interrupted their extremely interesting conversation.

**BANG BANG BANG**

a **COSPLAYER CUSTODIAN** was hitting the door so that it made a noise, and it was working. 

the door swung open, hitting the wall, and a loaf of bread was thrown through, bouncing off george's head. the door closed again with a bang.

george turned around to examine the loaf. it was hard. he then stopped examining the loaf and resumed his extremely interesting conversation with the barry b. benson cosplayer. 

"my name is george and i am a shrek cosplayer on tiktok," he said, "what about you??????????"

"my name is dre2trappy and i am barry b. benson, not just a cosplayer," dream b. man replied, "but my friends call me b. man."

"you have friends???!!!" shrek exclaimed,

"no"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beta read by my dear sister (help)


End file.
